Home, but not all there.

So I was on the bus home, and night was falling.
Home at long last, or so I thought. No. Not all there.

I left a part of my heart with the REACHers.
To the Singaporean hosts and REACHers that showed us their genuine hospitality and friendship.
They showed us around, and the ones in my group took us to the Esplanade library and to see the Merlion.

To the Indian friends I've met, they really are friendly and they really know how to have a good time.
For a few days we shared a little part of our lives and our culture. Here's to the fruits of our land! =P

Also to the others, the Koreans who took care of my bro, Khamsahamnidaaaaa~

and to Alvin and the Indons, who gave me a batik fan and handcrafted gifts, they remind me ever of you all.

And to that African brother who gave me a paradigm shift in exchange for a scoop of durian icecream, you were truly a Godsend to me. You woke me up from my slumber, and caused my dead heart to beat again, not for the frail and fleeting attentions of women, but for the downtrodden, the weak, the poor, the hungry, the oppressed, the abused, the maltreated, the grieving, the forgotten peoples of this earth who weren't as blessed as most others are.

Brother, I may have forgotten your name, but I will never forget your smile through the tears you shed at my outburst of generosity and kindness. I had compassion on you, and in Jesus' name I bestowed upon you the taste of durian. You however, broke my heart and opened my eyes. Life is no bed of roses for you and your folk. Let me never forget the need of the peoples of the world. Whilst I still sit comfortable in air conditioned rooms after a bountiful and filling dinner, with enough light and electricity to carry on typing, with four walls around me and a roof over my head, with no one wanting to kill me or my kin because I am a Christian- so many others are suffering in the rain, the heat, the freezing cold, naked and starving, running and in hiding from men who would lay hands on them simply because they called on His Name. Wait for me, Brother, I am coming to you soon. I'm trying to get there as soon as I can, but so-called godly men around me are deterring my arrival to you. Pray for me, beloved Brother. I am coming.

Once I got back, the signs started coming again. The 1st sign was really shocking.
I was having lunch with my dad one day after we came back and then he said something totally weird, like Twilight Zone weird- he apologised to me for sending me into this IT industry
It may not seem like much except that

1. my dad never apologised

and

2. my dad never regrets his decisions about me

so it was a first and I was wondering what was up

The 2nd sign came shortly a few hours later my university test result came back
and apparently due to my lack of passion, it told me that I had to delay another semester
which is already wayyyy extended.
My dad bluntly told me this was not for me and he asked me what my passion really is,
and the first thought in my mind was

Life is Mission

The third came when I was already praying hard about this series of events
and I was really questioning how could He send someone sinful like me
Those of you who known me as Jon Black can testify to my Black-ness
And I read in Luke 5:18-20
that I should not be afraid, and He will make me catch men

So ok, the 4th one was a few days later. I was wondering if this is really even going to work, I mean, why am I giving all this up, and I was playing my violin, Madia,
then I started playing a song that I have forgotten for about 20 years-
a teeny weeny song that I learnt in kindergarten. I never fully understood the lyrics back then
but that day when it came back to me, it hit me and I began to cry
the song was called "Make me a servant" and I don't know why but that song came back at a right moment. I've never remembered that song for two decades and it was just shut away for a moment when I needed to hear it. It goes like this:

Make me a servant

Humble and meek

Lord let me lift up those who are weak

And may the prayers of my heart always be

Make me a servant

Make me a servant

Make me a servant today

I submit to you that Life is Mission. I rest my case, members of the jury. I have been surely and divinely called.

So yeah, the final sign will be when my pastor gives me the green light. Or so I thought. Last Sunday I spoke with a pastor and he wanted to talk with me later about it in more detail. Summary: He thinks I should go back to studies in uni first. It sure sounds dandy, but to me, I just felt the wrong-ness of that idea, the way a traveler just feels that the bridge he is about to cross over the wrong river, that deep and certain feeling that is both sure and intuitive.

I chucked that thought aside. Maybe he is right. Then my violin tutor told me to wait... he said that I should wait a few more years because Moses waited for 40 years. I wanted to shoot back that Simon Peter and the Apostles were called immediately, and that a lot of commands from Jehovah Himself starts with, "Go now..." but I realized that if I did respond in that way it wouldn't be completely respectful and loving, so I held my tongue. I mutely nodded and kept that bitterness inside.

O Lord, how Your servants prophesy sweet sayings to calm the multitude when they should instead be driven to action! See how they use Your Word to play it on the safe side of things. Send me with fire, O Lord, and let Thy servant be used according to Thy will.

So I thought that maybe God is sending me back to uni, or so I thought...