Ashes to ashes

I woke at 5am this morning
It was yet dark, yet I bolted upright.
Work calls, and I must obey.

Today marks my return to the Morning Watch- my church's prayer group.
And then it's off to breakfast with the venerable Pastor Leung and the CG.
CareGroup  Coffee Group. Yes, they call it that

Oh, I was a tad intimidated, being around that pastor from chinese service.
He looks severe, and I don't think I've ever seen him smile before this.
So that's why I kept out of his way in the past

Readers, I was wrong. I mistook deadpan humour for strictness.
He is one of the funniest men in the ministry,
And there's no end to the funny anecdotes and jokes we shared over breakfast.

However, the smiles and the laughter must soon end.
I was to go observe and assist the pastors at the funeral.
Yes, you read correctly. I said fun-eral.

It was kind of numbed and routine about it.
Nod mutely at the grieving relatives, shake some hands
Take some notes, look sharp and contemplative, yes yes.

And then, the trigger. A pink rose pressed into my hand.
No. Not a rose, please, it hurts, it hurts so much.
Because I remember, I remember too clearly- the last time I held a rose.

I was walking near Bukit Bintang plaza. It was Valentine's eve.
Saw the rose, thought she might like it, and without a thought, bought it.
It was red, and cold, and alive.

As soon as I got back to the room, it started to show signs of decay.
Just like our love, falling apart. A petal here, a petal there.
The rot set in. I tried to save it. I chucked it in the fridge.

ALL THINGS DIE. I was back at the crematorium.
The rose still had a thorn, it pricked me. I did not bleed. Not outside.
I couldn't save my rose, and like all things, it died.

It was dead when I pressed it into her reluctant palm,
as dead as the body laid in state in front of me.
And a tear formed and threatened to run down my cheek

I held it in check, it was not proper. I must be strong.
She left with the dead rose, and the dead love
And my dead heart refused to remember the dead joys.

The dead memories were buried, all nicely, with a headstone.
Jon's heart. RIP 2013. So long and thanks for all the fish.
Until the moment the pink rose was pressed into my palm

I cringed, I looked away. No, this rose is dying too.
It was alive, but it started dying as soon as it was severed from the bush.
All things die, and so does this rose. No exceptions.

This is my new life, I remembered. No more dark days.
No more memories that condemn me to sorrow.
No more love, and I laid the pink rose upon the wooden casket.

I turned away and prayed that I may never ever
Have a love as dead as that rose with a single thorn
No, let me die knowing that love that is Undying.

The First 3 Days

Sunday:
Work began with the setting up of the reception counter.
Sis S. taught me how to arrange the items on the table and what went where.
That was about all. Well, I went and watched a movie at the cabin,
Yes, apparently watching movies is part of my job description, deal with it.
Then the usual choir practice, and I'm off.

Monday:
Woke up around 5 something-ish, took the train to Tmn Bahagia station.
My mentor picked me up there and we arrived at the Desa Park City branch.
Was commissioned to carry a few stuff around here and there
Then F. pulled me into the traffic warden dept.
Directed members to the church for a few hours.
Called back to the sanctuary for P&W session
Mentor introduced me to a missionary (A.) and his family.
A. dropped me back near my house.
So far, so good.

Tuesday:
First real day at the office.
Learned about the setup for staff devotion session.
Attended staff devotion
Packed up staff devotion
Briefing with my Mentor.
He gave me a really good bible (Thanks, Mentor!)
and assigned me tasks.
Met up with 5 staffs to get weekly tasks
They served snacks. (Yummy!)
and then I did a lil bit of sorting stuff here and there
And then I had lunch with the kitchen staff
and delivered food for them to the daycare
Then I was assigned my first big task:
The packing of the newsletters.
I now realise how many members our Chinese service has.
Thank God for so many souls!
Wrapped up the day by attending the staff meeting.
Let me say this. This is a staff meeting like no other,
And I'm glad to be a part of it.
Never have I foreseen this happening
Only God could've done this for me.

Headway

So much has passed since I last wrote in this blog.
I apologize for taking so long, dear readers.

Last month as I lay dying,
The edges of my vision, slowly narrowing,
the final thought in my mind was:
I'm at peace, and I'm not afraid,
For there is sweetness in death, but
I don't want to die now.
And cue blackout, and loss of consciousness.

It is bright, all around me, blazing, pure white light.
I am standing in whiteness, and there are no shadows to be found.
The light was intense, but not blinding, warm, but not scorching
Yet brighter than any ray shone forth by the sun.

And I, my clothes, were in the purest white.
Then He spoke to me, in a voice deep and strong,
Not like Morgan Freeman's,
yet a thousand times more commanding than any voice I have ever heard
This Voice had power and authority, and He spoke to me
Not just as a Father to a son, but also as a Commander in Chief to a private.

And He said,

"Now is not your time. Serve me, and live!"

And I lived. I woke up in the Emergency Room, with tears in my eyes,
and the vital signs that were falling rapidly the whole time I was out,
Rapidly shot up into the stable regions within the next few hours.

The docs and nurses were baffled, and when nothing could explain how I did not die
(They told my mom that night to expect a funeral the next morning, if I'm not dead by then)
They took blood samples, and discharged me when they couldn't keep me there any longer.
I was in there for five days. And I lived to tell the tale.

Alright, Lord, said I-
Enough signs. I surrender. You Win.
Now show me what to do next.
And in my gut I felt~ Contact your church leaders. I have sent you.

And so over the next few days I met in short order:
Tuesday: Pastor Mark of Serving in Missions
Wednesday: Reverend Timothy of KLBC (Assoc. Pastor)
Thursday: Reverend John of KLBC (Senior Pastor)

It seems it's not His will for me to enter Seminary next year,
but instead I must grow more and pass through 15 months of church internship first
Last Sunday, D.- the church staff, passed me an internship form

After much praying and deliberation, waiting and hoping
(If this is Your doing, Lord, You get me through this!)
He gave me His thumbs up the day before yesterday.

The church's board members approved my internship application
Which in itself was a close shave, since I left my internship form at home,
I rushed with Pas. Tim. to the office to fill another up before the board meeting.
Which starts in about 15 minutes time.

I was desperate. I didn't have my 2 referrals,
I didn't have the time to compose a nice long essay
(Usually when I have time to write one, I tend to exceed 500 words)
So that may have worked out in my favor.
I think I only got till 200-250, handwritten words from my heart.
No fancy language, no flowery ornaments.
Just the earnest, simple statement why I am applying for internship.

At 10:20pm thereabouts. I got the news. The pastors texted me.
Bad news, says Pas. Tim., your holidays ends on the 15th.
Congratulations, says Pas. John, the board has approved...
I needn't read on. I got it. God opened the doors for me yet again.

The next morning, I dropped by the office to finalize it.
Hallelujah, I'm one step nearer.